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« I'm Starting a New Fashion Trend | Main | Search Queries & »

It's a F%@&ing Lanyard!

If this makes me an old, bitchy guy, so be it. How long do you need your keychain to be? Oh, wait, that's not a keychain. It's a fucking lanyard! Nothing says 'I'm a douche' more than 24 inches of lanyard sticking out of your pocket. Not only does it say, 'I'm a Chargers fan with keys,' but it also says 'I'm a Chargers fan whose keych... err... lanyard doubles as an autoerotic asphyxiation tool.' Hell, you could probably walk your dog with it, too, it's so damn long.

24 incehs of douche.

Reader Comments (1)

I fucking hate those. What is going through this douche's mind.

"Ok, I have the keys to my Corolla and to unlock the Blockbuster when I have to open. What is the best way for someone to see that I have keys. Oh yeah, I will let the lanyard dangle outside of my pocket. Now if I take off my hoodie everyone will be able to see my pants are riding low. I bet this chick in the stretchy jeans will think that is hot. I know, I will stand really close so she can smell the Axe body spray I'm wearing. Hey baby, if I said you had the body of angel wou... wait why are you hitting me?"

I want to strangle the fucker with the lanyard.

March 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commenters0meb0dy

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