I was on the couch last night watching Idol when I felt something tickling my eye. I brushed my hand across my left eye, but the problem remained. It felt as though one of the hairs on my head had somehow become tangled in my left eyebrow. Much to my horror, the hair was not tangled. It was an actual member of my left eyebrow family. It seems I've reached a point in my life where my body is beginning to betray me. The problem is, I'm only 39! For example, I have a rogue hair that grows directly out of my right shoulder. It's blonde/gray, reaches a length of approximately 1 inch, and just protrudes out like Jack Skellington's erection. Giant hairs have begun to grow out of moles on my arms! Fuck 2012, the end has begun in 2011!
And now, my eyebrows! What you are about to see isn't just a tiny bit longer than normal, this is some straight up Andy Rooney broom-brow shit. To give you an idea of just how long the frankenbrow hair was, I've included a normal brow hair. Unlike Charlie Sheen, today I am Losing.